Stream Of Conciousness

Deep breath.

Almost there. I can see the light at the end of the tunnel.

Ok so the thing is....here's the thing.

My husband travels. A lot. He's been away for a while and he's coming home tomorrow. I am just waiting for that moment for one main reason.  It's not because I miss him. I do, but that's not the biggest reason.

It's to let him deal with the kids. I'm so burnt out on doing everything, dealing with every fight, complaint, request, doctor's visit, school issues, everything.

Several little things bugging me all together are making me angry;

The kitchen light hasn't been working for over a month. The bulb went out and when we went to change it, the screwy part stayed stuck and the glass part came out. We tried getting it out with pliers, a potato, nothing worked.

There's a side light but it's pretty weak and this is on the list of things he needs to deal with when he gets here. There's a fuse that goes out several times a day and that fuse happens to also control the building's water pump so we have to keep on top of it if it switches off.

The garden area outside is a huge mess because the stupid workers upstairs keep dropping cement and other crap on our floor and some toddler upstairs throws his toys and other crap out of the balcony on to our area. Yesterday he threw the potty smashing it into red plastic pieces. That did give me a chuckle though. The thought of this kid like, "I'm not going in the potty. I got your potty right here!, Here's your potty!" Smash.

Buddy, our puppy, needs to be house trained like yesterday. I'm constantly cleaning up pee and poo and it's bad enough with kids making messes but dog shit? He just isn't going on the paper. I need to get him into the garden and set up a shaded shelter area but the garden is like over 200 square meters and I need to get it cleaned up and he needs to get his vaccine before he can be outside anyway.

Money is really tight right now. The puppy isn't even paid for, the woman was kind enough to wait until I get paid next week. Same with the vaccine. It's next week. You never really appreciate every dollar or pound until you have very little and have to scrimp and save. And the kids are not being understanding and just whine because they don't want what's for dinner. So done with all of this.

The other day when I posted my last rant, after that I went for a long walk to buy something and walked a bit around town just to get away from the kids and their bickering and right this minute one of them is whining about something and I just want to flee.

I wasn't always this way. It's the added stress of work and being on my own. I hate that I'm having a hard time so much because it just shows me how bad I would be at being on my own and that makes me feel trapped. I think of leaving all the time but it's just not that simple.